So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
