oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
