my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
