I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
