U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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