I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
