dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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