life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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