You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
50% drunk capacity currently
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
