I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
