Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
