I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
