just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
