I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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