once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
