i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He? As in you personified your dick?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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