Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
