I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
