my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
