When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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