you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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