Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
