So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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