You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
