I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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