no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
