she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
