I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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