As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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