Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize