Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
