talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
