Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
