Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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