and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
