When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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