what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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