VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
