Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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