i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
