Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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