You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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