he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
