i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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