I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
