Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
