I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
should my penis look like a turkey
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
