Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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