When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I believe in your delicious
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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