fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
