just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
