i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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