and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
