i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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