okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
