Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
