I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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