he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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