I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
