It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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