She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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