He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
did you just send me my own nude
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
