i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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