Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
