I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
