Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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