I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
