Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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