So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
