Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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