look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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