Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
