Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
