Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
