remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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