Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
