I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize