Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
