I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
